Eve Sullivan's blog
Here is the text, what I said in the longer Jan.27 YouTube . . .
We are here tonight to prepare for MIT’s Charm School. You may think that MIT and charm don’t quite fit in the same sentence, but as a long time employee I can tell you that some engineers and even some theoretical physicists are quite charming. But some may need a little help and that’s why we are here.
I want to introduce a small part of the Parents Forum curriculum called
How To Tell Somebody Something They’d Rather Not Hear
Then I will give you a bit of background of Parents Forum.
Take a look, there are now three videos on YouTube to give you a sense of what our program is about. The shorter one is the question I submitted to 'Ask Obama' for his internet press conference January 27 (my question did not get picked, oh well) and the longer one, also posted yesterday, is an introduction to MIT's Charm School workshop "How To Tell Somebody Something They'd Rather Not Hear" ... what do you think?
Well, actually, the title of the article was 'Why Chinese mothers are better' and in it the author, Amy Chua, described her very rigorous and apparently very successful parenting style. My letter to the editor of the Wall Street Journal begged to differ:
Amy Chua's essay is provocative, as intended, and, as an American (Western) mother, I find it troubling, just as the author would expect me to.
CIVICUS World Assembly included Parents Forum . . . that is, I was there.
Saturday morning's plenary panel, moderated by Nuala McGovern of the BBC World Have Your Say, asked for contributions from the audience and I suggested:
I suggested that parenting education and support be included in the development agenda, particularly that we consider how we raise boys.
Wearing three virtual 'hats' -- that of the National Parenting Education Network (NPEN - US) and the International Federation for Parent Education (IFPE/FIEP) as well as that of Parents Forum -- I had a great time meeting and speaking with like-minded social activists.
I was especially pleased that Nuala McGovern said 'We should have a whole show on parenting!
Yes!! If you agree, please write to World Have Your Say, at the BBC website, and say so!
One of my delightful daughters-in-law sent a link to this article on the risks of too much media use, not by kids, but by parents!
Kids want and need good attention, for heaven's sake, and online activities do have a seductive if not addictive appeal for adults and children alike. My occasionally less than idyllic childhood, well before the Internet age, includes this unfortunate episode:
Well, well, well, it sounded a little far out, but worth a try. This morning I went to an event at Tufts put on by the Tufts Clinical and Translational Science Institute -- there's a mouthful! -- co-sponsored by the Harvard Catalyst Community-Based Participatory Research (CBPR) Program -- another mouthful! -- and hosted by, among other Tufts entities, the Tisch College of Citizenship and Public Service.
The Dean of the College who opened the event was, it turns out, Rob Hollister, from Yellow Springs, Ohio, my home town. I guess we went to high school together, but that was a long time ago. My memories of that time are a bit faded, but fond nevertheless.
What did Parents Forum get from the speed-dating experience? Actually we have a meeting scheduled for next month with one of the community liaisons for the CBPR. Stay tuned for details on this!
'Babies' is in theaters now and I enjoyed seeing it. But it seemed odd that the movie showed so little parent-child interaction. Without much apparent help or support from their parents, four babies from different parts of the world -- Namibia, Mongolia, Japan and the US -- make it through their first year, each one, at the end, triumphantly taking their first steps.
Will there be a movie 'Parents'? That will be more difficult to put together but more instructive, I think.
I would like to see more of the kind of research like that described by Liz Szabo in USA Today May 10. Seth Pollak of the University is Wisconsin-Madison tells us that there are biological effects in children from mothers' soothing, both physical and verbal, even hearing their mothers' voices over the telephone. Pollak's research was on girls and their mothers. I'd like to see research on dads and sons, dads and daughters as well as mothers and sons.
The ‘desperate mom’ who contacted me two days ago did call back. I was able to pass along the telephone number of a wonderful social worker.
But the key piece of the conversation with her was my describing my feelings, how I had experienced intense internal resistance to making positive changes in how I related to my sons. Even more important, I think, was my telling her about how peer support helped me let go of very familiar and very dear (in the sense of hard won and the sense of much loved) negativity and resistance ...and eventually forge new patterns of relating to myself and others.
Parenting isn't rocket science, and babies aren't learning rocket science anyway -- although some them may grow up to be theoretical physicists -- but maybe, just maybe what they learn is even more difficult than all of that.
I think that ** the most important things babies learn is trust. ** They learn that they can trust us to keep them clean, fed, rested, comforted and now and then amused. They learn to trust their instincts and ours to make sense of the world. When, despite our best intentions and good efforts, the world doesn't make sense for them and they get fussy, tearful, fearful or furious, they need to know that they can depend on us to just be there.
That is the hardest of all: being with another person, especially a tiny person who can't tell us what's the matter, when he or she is inconsolable. That is the job, though, and we, as parents, need support ourselves to do the job well.